a rainy day walk together
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happy, hoppy Easter Sunday!
it was fun being together on Easter Sunday. We had a two level egg hunt and certain grandchildren (ALL) pounded down the chocolate and candy. Each egg had at least $1.00- and some had $5 and $20. Understandably, not a lot of ham and mashed potatoes were eaten! Hey! Two people in this photo have their eyes closed… are they tired… sleeping?
Ode to Apple
I’ve been around more dogs and cats than I can remember, some mine, most others, but Apple Clickman was the one who stole my heart.
Apple wasn’t one of those cookie cutter tongue wagging la-dee-da tail wagging dog cliches always in the same sort of mood.
Don’t get me wrong, she always greeted me and Grammy (and everybody else) with excitement and super friendliness. “Hello! I’m so happy to see you, come in, come in!” She was a happy dog and no one knew that better than her best human friends Josh, Nicole, Ben, Emma, Molly and Jack who hugged, petted, loved and appreciated her every day.
We often laughed how she’d run away just to meet new people, enjoying every minute before she hopped in the car to return home. I’m sure she felt bad for causing such distress, but darn it if that wasn’t a fun little adventure!
Yet with Apple there was more, an added dimension, a soulful spirit that set her apart. This dog had depth, range, and a human persona.
When she was sad, scared or disappointed, we could see it, feel it. If she was having a bad moment, we sensed the burden, wanting to ease the pain. “It’s okay Apple, it’s going to be alright.” It was like that with everybody.
There’s an old expression (used for people), “The eyes are the windows to the soul.” That held true for Apple, her eyes revealed an inner complexity that surprised.
Nothing made Apple feel worse than being scolded or thinking she was in trouble (even when she wasn’t). Her entire black and white fur coated dog being withdrew with fear, uncertainty and doubt. It broke your heart seeing her confused or disappointed and we’d all try to make it better.
Her vulnerability made her human. She had layers of visible emotion I could feel, see and sense. This dog was wonderfully intuitive. Here’s an example:
Apple not only hated and reacted to the sound, flash and fury of thunderstorms and changes in weather, she could sense something big was brewing in the air well before it hit. The thundercoat you bought couldn’t touch, let alone control, this fear.
Last summer when a thunderstorm kicked up, Apple was hell bent for hiding, darting down the hallway. I intercepted, sat on the floor and gave her the longest full body hug I’ve ever given a four legged being, pressing gently but firmly, telling her all the while it would be okay. I don’t know if it helped, but it made me feel like I had eased her trauma a bit.
Did Apple have some kind of miniaturized built-in doggie barometer that measured atmospheric pressure? Maybe, but I’d like to think it was an example of human intuition.
(Apple’s built-in intuitive dog barometer?)
I always enjoyed taking her ears and covering her eyes. Last time I saw her, I did that; it was a frequent thing with me. Apple would sit there and let me do it, nose patiently and proudly in the air. I’m pretty sure she didn’t like it, but it didn’t hurt and she never wanted to disappoint. I’m sure she was always thinking:
“Oh geez, he’s going to do that a-g-a-i-n. Take my ears and stretch them over my eyes. Why does he do that? Why? I seriously think there’s something wrong with him. They don’t even completely cover my eyes. I mean, come on. Whatever, he’s a decent guy, I’ll just grin and bear it. He seems to get such a kick out of it. Such a simple man…”
I’m pretty sure she felt the same way when I put sunglasses on or a baseball cap. She’d patiently let me do it every… single…time… never wanting to disappoint. That’s why she let her pal Ruby take over her bed and push her around. Whatever. Always love. She got even by eating Ruby’s food.
There was a regal-ness to Apple. When she lay down, her front paws would cross in a way that conveyed sophistication and class. She carried herself like a Queen. She was doggie Royalty. Even when she got older and the gray set in, Apple always looked…
F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S.
She was needy in the best possible way, needing to love and be loved. That’s the ticket, right? You give and you get. I don’t know what made me feel better – knowing how much she loved a hug and belly rub, or the feeling I got making her feel good.
A true friend reaches out for your hands and touches your heart. That’s what you did Apple. Gonna miss you, always will. You rocked.
St. Patrick’s Day + Sunday dinner = wild & crazy times
It’s always a darn good day when Grammy and I have our entire family gathered together. The Big 13!! Sunday, March 17 was special because that was the case + it just happened to also be St. Patrick’s Day.
Grammy and I were ready with green shamrock clappers, beads, hats (large and mini), coins and decorations. Everyone took St. Patty’s day pencils. It got rowdy when we all made the hand clappers go at maximum loudness simultaneously – impressive!
The leek dip was green, so were the cupcakes. She served one of your favorites, Shepherd’s Pie ‘O Delicious. It was a wild, whacky celebration!
During dinner the question came up: who was St. Patrick and what did he do? I said “he got rid of all the snakes that had infested Ireland.” Turns out it’s folklore but a very common belief as evidenced by this drawing I found online. Go St. Patrick, you’re a badass.
www.irishcentral.com
Epic Super Bowl party! Pats win 6th title!
pucks, candy, slapshots & cheers
Merry Christmas 2018!!
a Christmas miracle, joy and a final goodbye
We’ll always remember Christmas week 2018.
100-year old “Great Gram” was admitted to the hospital on Sunday, Dec. 23 with congestive heart failure. Her condition kept getting worse as she needed more and more oxygen to breath. Her four daughters (Grammy, Marcia, Brenda and Nancy) and two son-in-laws (Conrad and me) spent our days at the hospital, supporting each other and Great Gram. At one point she told your Grammy, “I made a mess of everything,” meaning ruining our Christmas holidays. Grammy reassured her and quickly shifted the conversation. It was no time for regrets.
On Christmas Day, Grammy and I spent the morning with her; she was steadily losing ground. That afternoon we went to the Clickman’s for an enjoyable afternoon together and a delicious meal of grilled steaks. The Beaupre’s were in Maine on Dec. 25, so our usual big group get together – all 13 of us – didn’t happen that day. We weren’t exactly sure when it would.
I helped Jack build some tunnels for his new train track. After dinner, we all played a fun Meme game, laughing our heads off as we tried to match the funniest expression with each picture. Some of those expressions were dirty!!
On December 26, Grammy and I were at the hospital from 9 am to 5pm, as were others. This turned out to be her last full day on this earth. That afternoon, when her hospital room was filled with visitors, she made an incredible rally. She had been very “out of it,” not awake and not aware. Suddenly she woke up and spoke – she needed to go to the bathroom. The nurse helped her and in the process, Great Gram became more alert. Then she said amazing things:
(to Grammy at that moment) “My hair must be a mess and I don’t have my makeup with me.” (as she gazed around the room at all her visitors).
Then, suddenly, on her own, she sat up in her hospital bed, looked about at her family (who were dumbfounded at that moment) and said “All this attention,” shaking her head. She never liked attention!
Marcia, her oldest daughter, tenderly said “Mom, do you know who some of these people are?” “Of course I do!!” she instantly shot back, a bit perturbed she had been asked such an obvious question. It was classic Great Gram.
A bit later, as she quietly looked around the room in amazement she said, “I’m very lucky.”
Then, “Everyone’s taller and older.”
Later, “I’m okay.”
That final rally was a gift, a special goodbye, a moment we’ll cherish. Soon after, Great Gram closed her eyes, laid back down in her bed and re-entered the solitary place she needed to be to complete her final journey.
That night all 13 of us got together at our house. Grammy had a feeling this would be our best shot to celebrate Christmas. She was right. We watched you open your presents; we laughed and had lots of fun, then ate pizza together. There’s nothing better than being together, even when situations change and routines become different.
Thursday, December 27 was Great Gram’s final day. I held her hand a long while and each of us in the room said our goodbyes our own special way. She had never woken up again after her amazing rally the afternoon before.
Late Thursday morning, at the exact moment new people were in her room to transfer her to Hyder House, another facility in Dover, she had made a decision. As she was taking her last breaths I’m pretty darn sure she was saying to herself, “Now just hold on one minute. Put the brakes on. I’m still in charge here! This is my life and I am not going on that stretcher and I’m not going in an ambulance – I never liked ambulances! I’m not putting anyone through any more fuss. I’m ending it right here, right now. I miss my husband; it’s been 26 years since I saw him. I want to die in this hospital, just like he did. It’s my time and I’m okay with that.”
And that’s exactly what she did. She decided to leave, then and there, on her own terms. Her last minute timing was a classic move for Etta Gwendolyn Buzzell St. Laurent. She was the matriarch of the family; she had always led the way; and now she was calling the last shot.
100 years. 2 months. 27 days on this earth. Not too shabby.
Great Gram lived a simple life, defined by one thing: family. Nothing else ever mattered as much as that. Her daughters and husband meant the world to her, as did her sisters and brothers who she took care of, protected and guided (as the first born of her siblings). As time went by, this “nucleus” kept expanding with son-in-laws, grandchildren (12) and great grandchildren.
Nothing made her happier than remembering a funny story about your parents (Tim and Nicole) from years ago or hearing a story from Grammy about something you (Ben, Emma, Camden, Ainsley, Molly, Jack and Madigan) had said or done recently. Those stories always brought a smile to her face and a hearty laugh. She lived for those moments!
She looked forward to your visits, got a kick out of the things you said and enjoyed hearing what you were doing as you grew older. Did you know she kept pictures you (and other great grandhildren) had drawn for her in a special book in her room at Harmony? The special memories you created for her were her only remaining treasures, along with a few pieces of jewelry. She loved you so much.
Later that night after everyone had left our house (many people came over to be together after she died, get a bite to eat and support each other) Grammy and I remembered a special visit we had with her at Harmony House on November 21, before Thanksgiving, She was sitting in her chair doing okay; it was just the three of us. We had been talking about what Thanksgiving was like when she was little. She said “We never had much. The Baptist Church down the street would look out for us and bring us food.”
Later she said, “I never was one for show. Be me. Take me as I am.” I love that quote because it sums up her life’s philosophy, her style, values and entire life.
We’ll miss you Ma/Mom/Great Gram, but please, no more tears, just smiles. That’s what she would tell us if she was with us right now. She lived a wonderful life, taught us many things, helped many along the way and is in a very good place.
The photo below is special. I took it on June 22, 2004 at Tim & Tarah’s wedding in Portland, Maine. It was always my favorite of her; so beautiful, so much joy, such a classy lady. Much love, thank you and God bless.
a fun, different Thanksgiving
What an awesome Thanksgiving!
Grammy and I were invited to your house… exciting because it’s the first time we haven’t hosted Turkey Day since Ben was born – 15 years ago! Very cool being with you at your house, eating your food, hanging out in your hood. Your Mom wasn’t sure if we’d be okay, but we had a blast. No problem-O. Thanks for making this a special Thanksgiving we’ll always remember.
How about Apple and Ruby posing with holiday scarves!!! Hilarious. Everyone is so well behaved in this photo…cracks me up!
happy halloween 2018!
Grammy & I are always so excited and thankful to be invited to your family’s annual Halloween “Trick or Treat” festivities. Your Mom went all out again this year, making all kinds of spooky treats like Mummy Dogs, Ghost Pizza and Witches Broomsticks. Yum!! You’ve had many houses over the years, but none compare to the busy-ness of Benjamin Way. There was a non-stop stream of trick-or-treaters for nearly three hours! Thankfully you had enough candy to meet the demand. I went out with you & your Dad once again, walking the streets of a fantastic Halloween neighborhood. A fun time was had by all. Thanks again for a fantastic night!
